September 25, 2011 at 10:32 PM (Aged, Aging, Aging women, Alzheimer's, Americans, Beth Polner Abrahams, Beth's Special Needs Bookshelf, BethsBookshelf, Bookshelf, Canadian, Collette, Elderly, I Feel Great About My Hands, Sexism, Shari Graydon, The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams, Vancouver, Wisdom of women, Women growing older, Women's advocate)
By Shari Graydon, author / editor (Vancouver and Berkeley: D&M Publishers, 2011)
Books about aging often sound alike. Too many deal with sickness, loneliness, poverty and a sense of bewilderment. Shari Graydon’s perceptive collection of stories, essays and poems by Canadian women, from their 50s to the 80s, also recognizes the many problems related to middle and old age. The authors express a diversity of voices—middle-aged, senior, straight, gay, Native, maternal, analytical, sentimental, political.
But what sets this book apart is that Graydon and her writers understand that good things can happen, too.
Now, she says, “We see differently and know better…we have the capacity to honor and celebrate others, and occasionally, even ourselves.”
Women growing older are not all on their way to Alzheimer’s and worse.
One writer, bored with her life, started driving huge trucks with her husband. Another tells of her battle against sexism in the workplace and violence against women, a fight she continues as she ages, adding, “In these days, more than ever, I believe we need the wisdom of aged women.” Still another proudly declares that “women are beautiful in multiple and varied ways.”
Or as the French novelist Collette once wrote in her later years, “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I had realized it sooner.”
Shari Graydon is an award-winning women’s advocate, veteran print and broadcast journalist, and bestselling author of two media literacy books for youth. Past president of Media Action, a nonprofit group promoting gender equity through media analysis, she lectures frequently about media and body image issues from her home base in Ottawa.
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August 8, 2011 at 3:56 AM (Americans, Antidotes, Arthritis, Beth Polner Abrahams, Beth's Special Needs Bookshelf, BethsBookshelf, Brain Scans, Cures, Healing, Melanie Thernstrom, Pain, Prayers, Science of Suffering, Spinal stenosis, The Pain Chronicles, Uncategorized)
By Melanie Thernstrom (Farrar, Straus and Giroux)
We all experience pain, some mild, some excruciating, and for some individuals, chronic, maddening pain.
After a swim one summer’s day, Melanie Thernstrom felt a severe neck pain that wouldn’t leave her.
Diagnosed with spinal stenosis and arthritis, she joined the estimated 116 million Americans who suffer from regular if often misdiagnosed pain. Thernstrom was lucky because her pain was attended to early on. In fact, early treatment is vital because constant pain often confuses friends, family, and doctors who may end up thinking the complainer is a hypochondriac.
What Thernstrom’s brilliant book does is investigate pain in a humane and perceptive manner. This is not a ‘how-to’ book, but rather it scrutinizes pain and how it affects sufferers.
“What, finally, is pain?” she asks, and answers, “Pain is an experience one is never in doubt about having. One might pause to wonder, Am I in love? But never, Am I in pain.”
She quotes a specialist in pain management nursing, saying, “Pain is whatever the experiencing person says it is, existing whenever the person says it does.”
Cures abound and her book is about pain’s “peculiar taste, its mysterious effects—and its antidotes.”
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June 18, 2011 at 1:36 PM (Afghanistan, After the War Zone, Beth's Special Needs Bookshelf, BethsBookshelf, Bookshelf, Conflict, Homecoming, Homecoming veterans, Iraq, Laurie Stone, National Center for PTSD, Ph.D., Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, Substance recovery, Suicide prevention, The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams, Traumatic brain injury, Troops, U.S. Veterans Affairs National Center for PTSD, Veterans, Veterans’ families, Women soldiers)
By Laurie B. Stone, Ph.D., and Matthew J. Friedman, Ph.D. (DaCapo Press, May 2008)
America’s two recent wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have come at a very steep price, with nearly 6,000 killed and 42,000 wounded, not to mention the anguish experienced by veterans’ families and all who love them.
What many of us have learned from the growing body of literature about combat veterans of our past and current wars is that veterans return quite different from when they left. “It’s important to remember that war changes everyone,” write Laurie Stone and Matthew Friedman in After the War Zone, their useful and sensible guide to dealing with and treating homecoming Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans. Many of these veterans have witnessed death first-hand and have come back with feelings of guilt and grief.
For one thing, many returning veterans encounter difficulty reconnecting with their love ones and integrating into the civilian lives they left behind. For those seriously injured, their problems are especially unique.
What After the War Zone does well is to deal realistically– in part through several brief case studies — with what the authors call “myths” held by troops and those they left at home, namely, that relationships with partners and families will not change, and love and family ties are all that is needed to manage their problems. “Readjustment will take time,” they caution. “Homecoming is not all rainbows and happy endings. It often involves increased conflicts within your family, which may require trained therapeutic treatment.”
The authors are Laurie Stone, Ph.D., associate director for research and education at the National Center for PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), and Matthew Friedman, Ph.D., executive director of the U.S. Veterans Affairs National Center for PTSD. Their crucial message: help is accessible and can be immensely important in managing the impacts of war zone stresses on homecoming veterans.
Their book provides information about governmental and private organizations and groups offering assistance to returnees.
In addition, a lengthy resource section offers more information regarding a host of difficulties including stress in marriage, women soldiers and their special problems, substance recovery, suicide prevention, traumatic brain injury, and PTSD. The authors define the latter as simply “a medically recognized anxiety disorder that can develop in anyone after they’ve been exposed to extremely stressful conditions.”
Hundreds of thousands of American servicemen and women have returned home after serving in these two wars. After the War Zone can be an invaluable guide for them, their families and friends, and their communities.
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Beth’s Special Needs Bookshelf, provided by The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams, is a review of books that may be helpful to families of loved ones with special needs. You are invited to leave comments and to recommend other books you would like us to consider for review on this blog. To receive an email alert whenever a new book review is posted, send an email to Info@BPAbrahamsLaw.com with “SNT Bookshelf” in the subject line or call (516) 741-9175. The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams is located at One Old Country Road, Suite 235, Carle Place, New York 11514. For more information, visit us at www.bpaSNTlaw.com.
Thank you for visiting Beth’s Special Needs Bookshelf.
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April 5, 2011 at 1:07 AM (ACT exam, Advanced placement, Americans With Disabilities Act, Beth Polner Abrahams, Beth's Special Needs Bookshelf, BethsBookshelf, Book Review, Bookshelf, Budget cut, Christina Cacioppo Bertsch, College, College admission, Community college, Developmental disabilities, Extra-curricular, IEP, Individualized Education Plan, Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), Jessica Kingsley Publishers, Medication management, Mental health disabilities, Persons with disabilities, SAT, Self-advocate, Statutory protections, Susan Yellin, The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams, Young people with disabilities)
By Susan Yellin and Christina Cacioppo Bertsch [Jessica Kingsley Publishers, London and Philadelphia, 2010]
With the focus on budget cuts, nationwide, in services for persons with disabilities, the importance of learning to be a self-advocate is critical. In the arena of higher education for young people with disabilities, this means getting an earlier start on boosting the college résumé – beyond traditional courses like Advanced Placement classes, SATs, and extra-curricular activities.
Authors Yellin and Cacioppo Bertsch have published an informative and helpful step-by-step guide to getting into college and managing the college experience – whether at a four year or community college, whether full or part time – for students with developmental disabilities and mental health disabilities.
The authors walk the student and family through the college tract for the young adult with disabilities. Their guide begins with a clear and readable overview of the federal Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) for elementary through high school. They go on to discuss related civil rights laws designed to protected persons with disabilities (and those perceived to have disabilities), which may affect college and workplace needs requiring accommodations under the federal Americans With Disabilities Act. The guide also includes an alphabetized list of other statutory protections.
The key takeaway for families of these students: timing is essential.
Getting started means asking your child to participate in school meetings for post-high school transition to college. Great attention should be paid to the ‘paper trail’ for college admissions: “The way you prove to a college that you have a disability is with documentation…and to indicate how this disability impacts…major life functions.”
They caution the reader that a disabled child’s high school “IEP” – Individualized Education Plan – has no relevance after graduation; it is merely a tool for accommodations for placement exams and college interviews.
And, the authors explore whether the student should take the SAT or the ACT exam. Can you ditch both tests? “For some students, the SAT and ACT exams are insurmountable barriers…these students may have anxiety disorders that make high-stakes tests unbearable….”
The guide answers these questions and more:
- What do colleges really want for admissions from a disabled student?
- What documentation is needed to receive accommodations based upon your child’s disability?
- When it’s time to select the best colleges to apply to and visit, what should the student and family be looking for?
The authors also highlight the personal responsibility the student with disabilities must take for their own day-to-day course work and personal tasks at college. These include medication management, money management, personal sexuality decisions, and even government assistance. They remind the young adult that “there is no reason for anyone to feel embarrassed that they have a disability and are entitled to assistance.”
The authors, ultimately, want to put the student in the “driver’s seat” – preparation, planning for what’s next, anticipating bumps in the road, and managing the unexpected curves in the student’s college future.
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October 5, 2010 at 4:18 AM (Advocacy, Beth Polner Abrahams, Beth's Special Needs Bookshelf, BethsBookshelf, Book Review, Bookshelf, Cleaning, Clutter, Collectors, Compulsion, Hoarding, Learning Disabilities, NFL, Not My Boy, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, OCD, Organizing, Reality TV, SNT, Special Needs Trusts)
Tags: Cleaning, Clutter, Compulsion, Compulsive, Hoarder, Hoarding, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, OCD, Organizing, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, Reality TV, Stuff
By Randy O. Frost and Gail Steketee [Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2010]
In today’s popular reality television genre, a problem is found, the TV host and dramatic music heighten or highlight the problem, and, poof – the host and the “team” address the problem. Most recently, reality television has turned its unforgiving spotlight on “hoarders”, people who live among piles and piles of “stuff” they feel compelled to collect and save.
Authors Frost and Steketee reject TV’s instant fix. In this insightful and highly readable book, they explain why people hoard and what makes them become hoarders. They tell us who they are, what things they tend to hoard, and why.
Hoarding, they write, is more than owning too much “stuff”; it is instead a mental illness associated with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). If our possessions provide us with a sense of security, they ask, “When does purchasing and collecting become an obsessive disorder? And when does excessive clutter become extreme behavior requiring intervention for safety?”
The book relates many case studies, but in particular, the case study of “Irene” is compelling. Visiting Irene’s small home, Frost and his students observed piles of newspapers and clippings of articles everywhere, reaching almost to the ceiling, with pathways set aside to allow her children to maneuver.
Frost and Steketee’s observations of Irene’s attempts at cleaning up – with his teams’ help – demonstrate how hard it was for her to decide what to dispose of and what to keep. Afraid to get rid of anything, Irene was also worried she would forget what she did have.
The authors comment, “Making decisions about whether to keep and how to organize objects requires categorization skills, confidence in one’s ability to remember, and sustained attention.” They conclude that hoarders’ brains may operate differently from nonhoarders’ and even from collectors’. With that early theory, the authors explore the impact of past traumas (post traumatic stress disorder), and whether substance abuse and perhaps compulsive shopping play any role.
One of the worst experiences for a hoarder occurs when a crew arrives to clear out the home, usually by order of a public health department or a family member. “Hoarding involves not only difficulty with getting rid of things, but also excessive acquisition of them,” the authors write. Because of the difficulties with getting rid of what others see as worthless piles of trash – which to the hoarder represent a sense of order – the hoarder is left with the feeling that their most valued possessions have been taken away.
In the end, the authors discuss theories developed for treatment and report on various state agencies – under the combined efforts of mental health, fire, housing and elder services – to address hoarding as a social and safety problem. There is no magic cure, no TV show to maintain the home after the crews leave, and, currently, no medication to treat the disorder. Hoarding, sadly, and relief from this disorder, may take years to treat even after the clean-up has taken place.
Frost and Steketee conclude that finding a cure for hoarding is as complex as the hoarders themselves. It requires intensive treatment with a therapist experienced in treating hoarding problems and support groups for the hoarder and family members.
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Beth’s Special Needs Bookshelf, provided by The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams, is a monthly review of books that may be helpful to families of loved ones with special needs. You are invited to leave comments and to recommend other books you would like us to consider for review on this monthly blog. To receive an email alert whenever a new book review is posted, send an email to Info@BPAbrahamsLaw.com with “SNT Bookshelf” in the subject line or call (516) 741-9175. The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams is located at One Old Country Road, Suite 235, Carle Place, New York 11514. For more information, please visit us at www.bpaSNTlaw.com.
Thank you for visiting Beth’s Special Needs Bookshelf.
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September 17, 2010 at 3:01 AM (A Special Mother, Advocacy, Allegra, Anne Ford, Autism, Autistic, Beth Polner Abrahams, Beth's Special Needs Bookshelf, BethsBookshelf, Book Review, Bookshelf, IEP, Individualized education program, Laughing With Allegra, LD, Learning Disabilities, Rodney Peete, SNT, Special Needs Trusts)
“A Special Mother” by Anne Ford [New Market Press, New York 2010]
Anne Ford’s earlier books about her daughter Allegra (Laughing With Allegra and On Their Own), who is now a young adult with severe learning disabilities (LD), explored Ford’s experiences in raising her child as well as the challenges confronting young adults with LD.
Now, in “A Special Mother,” Ford presents a guide for parents –focuses solely on mothers – whose child is diagnosed with LD. The book is written as if you are the mother, sitting with a support group, sharing information, your worries and heartbreak, and eventually, praising your child’s accomplishment, however limited they may seem.
Ford takes us from a “something’s not quite right with my child” attitude, to denial that anything is seriously wrong, from the eventual diagnosis and, finally, into advocacy. The most valuable aspect of this slim book is that it provides a well-written overview of educational rights and crucial resources for parents of children with LD, autism and other developmental learning disorders.
She provides information from early intervention services for toddlers through the education system, including how to organize your child’s information, the decision whether to accept special education services, the “IEP” process –individualized education program– and finally, when to hire a professional education advocate.
If there is one drawback to this book it is that Ford, by her own admission, does not think fathers play an active role in raising or advocating for their disabled child, and almost encourages the view that fathers just don’t see things the way mothers do when it comes to their LD child.
Yet, as if to rectify this exclusion, she offers a single chapter, “Special Fathers: They Are Out There,” as encouragement for fathers to become involved with their disabled child. Using a persona named John as a “special father”, Ford creates a self- help dialogue that allows young fathers to feel as if they are speaking personally with him.’
The value of this book is in Ford’s personal journey.
“All of the mothers in this book were once confused and fearful,” she writes, “We pass from fear to confidence, from confusion to knowledge; and eventually we find ourselves able to pass on to others the hard-won lessons we have learned.” Ford does just that, passing on her knowledge to other mothers of developmentally disabled and LD children, together with the resources and information to become the kind of “special mother” she now is.
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Beth’s Special Needs Bookshelf, provided by The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams, is a monthly review of books that may be helpful to families of loved ones with special needs. You are invited to leave comments and to recommend other books you would like us to consider for review on this monthly blog. To receive an email alert whenever a new book review is posted, send an email to Info@BPAbrahamsLaw.com with “SNT Bookshelf” in the subject line or call (516) 741-9175. The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams is located at One Old Country Road, Suite 235, Carle Place, New York 11514. For more information, please visit us at www.bpaSNTlaw.com.
Thank you for visiting Beth’s Special Needs Bookshelf.
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August 8, 2010 at 7:15 PM (Aged, Alzheimer's, Beth Polner Abrahams, Beth's Special Needs Bookshelf, BethsBookshelf, Book Review, Bookshelf, Dementia, Dr. Alice Howland, Elderly, Harvard, Lisa Genova, Memory, Memory Loss, Neuroscientist, SNT, Special Needs Trusts, Still Alice, Uncategorized)
Still Alice [Paperback] by Lisa Genova (Gallery. Original edition Jan. 2009)
Alzheimer’s is a devastating disease most often associated with the elderly. The disease can erase a lifetime of memories, family names and faces, and in some situations, cause aimless wandering, misplaced belongings, as well as loss of any sense of time and perspective.
But it’s not only the aged who are affected.
When the disease occurs in younger persons, ages 40 to 60’s, it is called early-onset Alzheimer’s. Although less common, early-onset Alzheimer’s can proceed more aggressively to destroy the mind and body.
Still Alice, a compelling novel by Lisa Genova, a Harvard neuroscientist, is the fictional tale of Dr. Alice Howland, a fifty year old psychology and linguistics professor diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. Author Genova traces Alice’s descent into dementia, written from Alice’s perspective.
In each chapter, the story charts, month by month, the original diagnosis through the almost complete loss of memory. In an early scene, before seeking a medical opinion, Alice goes running on her usual route into Harvard Square past the Charles Hotel and the Kennedy School of Government. She suddenly finds herself lost, unable to return home. “She wanted to continue walking but stood frozen instead. She didn’t know where she was. She looked back across the street…the corridor, the hotel, the stores, the illogically meandering streets. She knew she was in Harvard Square, but she didn’t know which way was home.”
In the end, everything in the family changes. Youngest daughter, Lydia – with whom Alice had a strained relationship after Lydia rejected college and a traditional career path – chooses acting instead, becoming “the actress”. Eldest daughter, Anne, becomes “the mother” after she gives birth to twins. And Alice’s husband, John, also a Harvard professor, becomes “the man.”
Yes, this is a novel – but what makes it special is that it is written as if in Alice’s own voice. We read about her innermost feelings and growing frenzy as she struggles to remember words, faces and locations.
Still Alice allows us to bear witness to heartbreaking – and frightening – events that lead Alice, towards the end of the book, to tell her husband, “I remember I used to be very smart…I miss myself.”
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July 6, 2010 at 3:36 AM (Autism, Autistic, Beth Polner Abrahams, Beth's Special Needs Bookshelf, BethsBookshelf, Book Review, Bookshelf, NFL, Not My Boy, Quarterback, Rodney Peete, SNT, Special Needs Trusts)
Tags: Attorney, Autism, Autistic, Beth Polner Abrahams, BethsBookshelf, Book review, Bookshelf, Carle Place, Child Autism Parent Cafe, Child With Autism, Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams, NFL, Not My Boy, Old Country Road, Quarterback, Rodney Peete, SNT, Special Needs, Special Needs Trust
Not My Boy: A Father, A Son, and One Family’s Journey with Autism – by Rodney Peete. Hyperion, Hardcover
Rodney Peete spent sixteen years as an NFL quarterback. Superficially, he and wife had it all. But then his son, R.J., was diagnosed as autistic at the age of 3.
The child’s pre-school director had earlier told his parents, “We think your son is unteachable.” Not long after, a physician similarly concluded, “Your son is autistic” and –mistakenly, as it turned out—“your daughter (R.J.’s twin) is, too.”
When Peete was away playing professional football, his wife Holly, an actress, had to wrestle with raising the children while desperately seeking answers about R.J.’s autism.
Her husband had a difficult time coping with their son’s condition. But eventually Holly persuaded him that though R.J. was “different”, he was neither unteachable nor unlovable. In time, Peete learned to see his son as he was and then work toward what was possible. After he and his wife planned the best methods of treatment, Peete then settled into becoming the father of a real boy.
In his moving memoir, Peete also offers suggestions about the cost (they spent about $160,000 a year, though some help is available from varied sources), dealing with siblings, discipline, the hiring of aides and the invaluable “tips for making friends.”
R.J. Peete is today a lively boy who taught his dad, a former quarterback, “the limitless nature of the true love between a father and a son.”
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The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams has no affiliation with the following website. We simply list it as a source of information you may find of interest:
http://www.child-autism-parent-cafe.com/child-with-autism-blog.html
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Beth’s Special Needs Bookshelf, provided by The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams, is a monthly review of books that may be helpful to families of loved ones with special needs. You are invited to leave comments and to recommend other books you would like us to consider for review on this monthly blog. To receive an email alert whenever a new book review is posted, send an email to Info@BPAbrahamsLaw.com with “SNT Bookshelf” in the subject line or call (516) 741-9175. The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams is located at One Old Country Road, Suite 235, Carle Place, New York 11514. For more information, please visit us at www.bpaSNTlaw.com.
Thank you for visiting Beth’s Special Needs Bookshelf.
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June 8, 2010 at 11:24 PM (Beth Polner Abrahams, Book Review, Down syndrome, Google, Health Care Specialist, Jennifer Graf Groneberg, SNT, Special Needs Trusts, Support Group)
Tags: adoption, Beth’s Bookshelf, Beth’s Special Needs Bookshelf, birth, Carle Place, diagnosis, Down syndrome, FISH test, Jennifer Graf Groneberg, Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams, NY, Old Country Road, Road Map to Holland, SNT Bookshelf, twins, writer
Road Map to Holland: How I Found My Way Through My Son’s First Two Years With Down Syndrome – by Jennifer Graf Groneberg. New American Library. Paperback
At first, the diagnosis was devastating. The doctor informs the young parents that she has news about one of Jennifer Graf Groneberg’s newborn twins.
“It’s the results of the FISH test,” she tells them. Avery, one of the twins, has Down syndrome. Stunned, Groneberg, a candid, honest mother and fine writer, is shocked, and frightened. “She’s telling me my baby is broken.”
So begins the dramatic and revealing autobiographical account by a decent and smart mother who invites readers to share her most intimate feelings about having given birth to and raising Avery. All the questions inevitably raised are here: Place the child for adoption? What to tell family and friends?
They finally decide to simply “consider the spirit in which the question is asked.”
She deals with doctors, audiologists, and a variety of health care specialists, some sympathetic and understanding, some not. She tries to learn from others who have children with Down syndrome. She Googles “Down syndrome” (Groneberg tells us there are 2,370,000 entries and parental support groups throughout the world).
Graphically written, with a minimum of self-pity, and replete with concrete and helpful advice and resources for parents and caregivers, this book allows readers to appreciate that Down syndrome, while undeniably challenging and demanding, can open the door to limitless love.
In the end, Groneberg writes, her first two years with Avery shows “He’s the child that I wanted, that I did not know I wanted. He is my son.”
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Beth’s Special Needs Bookshelf, provided by The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams, is a monthly review of books that may be helpful to families of loved ones with special needs. You are invited to leave comments and to recommend other books you would like us to consider for review on this monthly blog. To receive an email alert whenever a new book review is posted, send an email to Info@BPAbrahamsLaw.com with “SNT Bookshelf” in the subject line or call (516) 741-9175. The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams is located at One Old Country Road, Suite 235, Carle Place, New York 11514. For more information, please visit us at www.bpaSNTlaw.com.
Thank you for visiting Beth’s Special Needs Bookshelf.
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April 20, 2010 at 3:43 AM (Book Review, Special Needs Trusts)
Tags: Beth Polner Abrahams, Book review, Books, Bookshelf, Carle Place, Elder Law, NY, Old Country Road, SNT, Special needs trusts
Welcome to Beth’s Special Needs Bookshelf, where you will find monthly reviews of books that may be helpful to families of loved ones with special needs.
You are invited to leave comments and to recommend other books you would like us to consider for review on this monthly blog.
To receive an email alert whenever a new book review is posted here, send an email to Info@BPAbrahamsLaw.com with “SNT Bookshelf” in the subject line or call us at (516) 741-9175.
The Law Office of Beth Polner Abrahams is located at One Old Country Road, Suite 235, Carle Place, New York 11514. For more information, please visit us at www.bpaSNTlaw.com.
Thank you for visiting Beth’s Special Needs Bookshelf.
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